When the person you are attracted to is not who you expected to be into, this can bring up a lot of emotions. If this is a new experience for you, you should know that while straight woman dating a transman a attracted to someone who is FTM can be a sign that your sexual orientation is broader than you thought and you might be interested in learning about what it means to be pansexual, it also doesn't have to. Sometimes we get hung up on people's bodies and if a person's body doesn't conform to what we assume male or female bodies to look like, we might make assumptions about their gender identity. As a result, our sexual orientations tend to line up with our gender identities, not our biological sexes and what our bodies look like as a result. Some transgender people make changes to their bodies through gender confirmation surgeries or other means.
Considering the discrimination trans people face on a daily basis, it comes as no surprise that trans people are overlooked when it comes to dating. Two Canadian researchers recently asked almost cisgender folks if they would date a trans person in a new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. This is the first study to ever attempt to quantify the extent of trans discrimination when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships. The straight woman dating a transman included cisgender man, cisgender woman, trans man, trans woman, or genderqueer, and participants could select as many genders as they wanted. Virtually all heterosexuals excluded trans folks from their dating pool: only 1.
Dating us doesn't make you gay. Unless you're a guy, of course! But ladies, if you're attracted to men, fancying a trans guy doesn't suddenly change your sexuality. It means you're seeing them for the man that they are.
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Brene Brown has a lot to say about this. My favourite has always been OkCupid. I like it because it allows for very specific filtering, gives a percentage match and allows for more nuanced identities and orientations than any other site. Having said that, I do not take advantage of straight woman dating a transman nuances in my own profile. The reason I do this is primarily that I personally, do not identify as trans.
The first time I met my now-boyfriend, I was wearing pigtails and a German beer girl costume, and he was dressed as Batwoman in heels and a pushup bra. It was the fall of his sophomore and my junior year of college, and he had long hair, a girlfriend and identified as a gay girl. Over the next few months, we found excuses to hang out in groups of mutual friends, harmlessly flirting without conscious intent. Yet our eyes began to catch as a momentary indulgence, shelved between misdirected rationalizations. Wait, am I? But then straight woman dating a transman cut his hair short.
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