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My issue with a lot of your contentions here is that since you live a certain way, and since it took you a long time to figure out how to be how you are in a relationship, that you assume a lot of other people are similar: But the fact is you are you.
For some the things you came to learn about the nature of relationships come much more easily. For some they are living in the reverse situation where the man is the more emotional irrational one. Where the woman is the one who needs validation not the man. You say you have no idea where Gottman got his info, well he did actual studies. I mean, you have two people who sometimes have vastly different perspectives.