Catherine Dalton, 23 years old
If you and your ex-spouse share children, you will always be connected and have a need to cordially share information. When you begin dating, your ex wants how to tell your friend you are dating their ex make certain that anyone who has contact with the children you and he share is a safe person for the kids. If your ex was holding out hope that you might reconcile, he also wants to know when you are dating. Your relationship will probably have fewer bumps if he learns it directly from you. Send an email or text to your ex and ask to schedule a time for the two of you to chat.
You want to inform your ex, since you and he share the responsibility of raising your children together. You are aware that you should tread lightly in bringing up this sensitive subject with your ex and taking your ex's feelings into consideration will go a long way. Despite how to tell your friend you are dating their ex relationship with your ex-spouse, informing him that you are dating is about your children. It is better that he hears from you that you are dating, rather than from a mutual friend or your children. Prepare what you are going to say and keep to the facts. Your fear of having the conversation is probably worse than having the actual conversation, says Schramm. How you initiate the conversation with your ex depends on what type of relationship you have.
Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules. What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.
How to tell your friend you are dating their ex
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It just sort of happened. In discussing this how to tell your friend you are dating their ex with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma. Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into her at a party. In some ways this is perfectly natural. This sort of stuff happens more than you might think. But you do need to make sure you go about this right. Anyone who has had any sort of meaningful romantic relationship can tell you that—over it or not—it would be difficult for them to be around their ex. A buddy of mine recently mentioned that he might invite my ex to a party that we were going to and asked what I thought about that.
The subject how to tell your friend you are dating their ex is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. A reader writes: I was friends with a couple in high school, though always closer with the guy. We went to the same university, but the couple broke up in second year. It's now five years later and I am still friends with both. Recently my guy friend expressed interest in being in a relationship with me. I was hesitant, knowing the "girl code of ethics" states you never date a friend's ex. But I decided to go for it. What is the etiquette for telling the girl who, by the way, is living with a new boyfriend? Your female friend has moved on. If your male friend wants to move on with you, so be it.
On the other hand, everyone has heard about situations where they turned out to be all too serious. Threats by themselves do not indicate any personal ill will. Just think of them as negotiating tactics. As with all threats it is critical to maintain a steady, untroubled manner. Make a clear decision to dismiss the threat, back down fully or leave then own that choice fully.
Visible fear or vacillation is like waving a red rag at a bull.